Old enough to know better
...too young to care.
After the death of Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts has undergone a great change. Students who once saw Hogwarts as a haven from the rest of the events in the Wizarding world have been forced into hiding and the school has been overrun by Death Eaters...
Lot of rubbish « Thread Started on Aug 8, 2008, 3:19pm »
[ Dated sometime near the beginning of school]
Mother sent me this diary/journal, today. Apparently she wants me to start writing in it as some sort of therapy. What the bloody hell does she know about therapy anyway. I swear the more she gets on in years the more crazy her ideas get. Though I suppose if I can't talk to a person I might as well write in this... thing. Even if it feels utterly retarded. I don't even want anyone to see be writing in this thing.
I don't even know why I even care.
Well, that's a lie. I do. Sadly we are all about image in this day age (as far as I can tell) and image is everything. I don't think anyone is interested in the inner workings of my mind, heck I don't even like to think about me, but Merlin forbid they see me journal writing. I'll look like some sap who needs to cry out all their emotions. Well I don't. I keep myself locked up rather tightly and its worked nicely so far. No serious mental breakdowns, no heavy blows to self esteem. I know what I am and I know what I am not.
... do I know what I want to be...
Maybe. I know the things I wish for. I have an understanding of feeling. I have... attachments. One such thing I can't seem to break myself from in the slightest. Ugh, Draco Malfoy. My Draco Malfoy. I wonder if he is even aware how much he tortures me. Now that just sounds ridiculous. He doesn't actually do anything to me. In all the years I've know him the most we have ever touched has been as those GOD awful dances. I bet the rest of the school would laugh at that. I bet they think I roll over for him every day of the week, just when ever he asks like that slut halfbreed. There is some sort of sadistic irony there. I would love Draco to touch, to just...look at me fondly and he never has. But I keep coming back. Like the dog they call me. Oh I hear what they say. Pug-face Parkinson. Well you bloody know what, you're no looker yourself general populace of the school. The whole lot of you are self righteous for no damn reason and I only hope one day you will learn your lesson. I hope you all breed ugly children. I think you will.