Old enough to know better
...too young to care.
After the death of Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts has undergone a great change. Students who once saw Hogwarts as a haven from the rest of the events in the Wizarding world have been forced into hiding and the school has been overrun by Death Eaters...
Make Me Believe as... [open] « Thread Started on Jul 17, 2008, 8:37pm »
Weekends were the most enjoyable for Pansy, Saturdays especially. Friday's were still work and Sundays had the dread of the oncoming week attached to them. It only made sense that she preferred such a restful day as Saturday. The only down side to the weekend was the crowded nature of the common room. It might have surprised some people to hear that Pansy actually enjoyed a bit of time to herself now and again. Don't get her wrong. Being surrounded by her fellow top of the food chain females was a necessary part of her existence, but it was also a show that never seemed to end. An act where the audience never left unless she was alone. Here she could take a breath of fresh air, let her shoulders droop just a little and close her eyes with out fear of critical watchers.
The day was pleasant as it was not to chilly or overly warm. A rarity for the Scottish weather that seemed nearly as fickle as the weather back home. Sun was even able to peak through the slow rolling clouds. Pansy opened her eyes to glance up at the sky and watch the fluff for a moment. At least it appeared this was what she was looking at. In truth her mind was transfixed on inner thoughts. Ones she was actually able to concentrate on, or let herself worry about, only when she was alone.
Pansy hated to appear as anything other than flawless. Parkinsons were not filled with weakness. Purebloods were impeccable in every way. Slytherins were cunning and stealthy. Proving these views incorrect would have torn Pansy apart. So feeling conflicted, as she had begun to feel since the beginning of the year, was something she kept completely to herself. She had no one to trust and knew deep down in the darkest corners of her heart that she was un-liked for everything she had been taught to be. Most of her cared so little for the opinions of others. She wanted what she desired and would do anything to obtain those things, or even people. The fact that people hated her proved the point of where she stood on the power food chain. There was no doubt in her mind that if she stepped aside, or made the wrong move, she would have been replaced in a heart beat. Scorned without question and tossed aside. It was a cut throat teen world and if you could not be vicious in return then you were fodder. A sigh escaped her as a physical sign of her thoughts and how tiring they could be.
Not to mention now things were even more odd with Snape as headmaster, Death Eaters as professors. She imagined the sides of world on a board and under its middle the point of a triangle keeping the balance precarious. Sometimes she felt like she could feel everything wobbling but knew this was ridiculous and probably something just adding to her paranoia. It still didn't stop the fact that change was here, for real, it was in her face and the face of everyone else and no one could ignore it anymore. How she felt about it? Well the automatic inbreed response was, 'Finally! The mudbloods and blood traitors will pay!' Then there was that dark little voice in the corner of her heart. The tiny almost never heard whisper. A small insignificant sort of pleading voice saying, 'Is it right? Is it want you really want? Look at what it's doing to the people you're supposed to care about.'She crossed her arms gently over her chest and relaxed into the bench that was shaded by one of the few trees of the courtyard. Her skin was not made for sunlight though the warmth was nice occasionally.
We have no scar to show from happiness. We learn so little from peace.
Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 881 Karma: 9
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #1 on Jul 31, 2008, 1:54pm »
The courtyards weren't the usual place that one might find a Malfoy lurking. They were far from it, really. He didn't go outside very often, only at times when he deemed it to be absolutely necessary. The sun beaming down on his pale skin was just something that was nearly unbearable for the young Slytherin, even when the temperature left much to be desired. At the moment the November wind blew colder than he would like and chilled him to the bone despite the clear weather, and the fact that he had decided to wear his coarse dark grey coat for a quick venture outside. Placed atop his white-blond head was a hat that matched the colour of the winter coat that he had his hands jammed in the pocket of. The hands were surprisingly uncovered, but his gloves weren't far away, in fact, they were jammed into the pocket of his coat right next to his chilly hands, he just had been too lazy to pull them on.
Why the boy had wandered into the setting he so hated was dependent entirely on who was already there. After much questioning of the chubbier of the two minions, he had finally unearthed the location of his other 'follower', and took action. It was based more on the fact that he hadn't really interacted with anyone in a positive manner in a while than on any sort of pressing matter. Though if need be, he did assume that he could make up some sort of emergency. But he was hoping it wouldn't have to come to that. He was hoping his plan, however silly, would work. The plan was to casually enter the courtyard as if he had come entirely of his own merit, then just coincidentally notice that someone whom he knew was there. That would of course mean that he would feel the urge to sit by her. Lucky her, she'd have the honor of him sitting near her.
With the plan in mind, he stepped out of the door that led to the courtyards, and his grey eyes immediately squinted unhappily. The sunlight was far too bright than what the Slytherin was used to. Inside the castle it was predictably dim, and inside his house's common room it was even worse. The light seemed to not want to penetrate into the area where the 'snakes' dwelled. He never seemed to take note of how dimly lit any of the areas he occupied were until moments like these though. His pale face scrunched up in pain due to the assault on his eyes, and he raised one of his hands up and out of his pocket to touch it to his forehead like a visor.
The 'visor', however, didn't seem to help much as he would have liked it to, and as a result he found himself to be rather disoriented. He wasn't at all sure where the girl he had come to see was settled. It was unfortunate, but on the plus side it did help to keep him from moving immediately to her, and exposing the entire thing as being premeditated.
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #2 on Aug 1, 2008, 4:39pm »
Struggling to breath
Pansy very well had the fair skin of her mother. Her father, though more capable of a tan never deemed it something he need to he blended in with his two most ghostly colored witches rather nicely. It was from her mother that Pansy had learned how to be in the sun, or at least near it, without actually being harmed by it. Of course, she wasn't thinking about any of this as her arms lay loosely across her chest and her face was upturned toward the leaves that shaded her from the ever harmful rays of the sun. Those bleaching rays that would surely redden her sore. She didn't seem to care much though. She was here wasn't she? Willingly so. Burn her Sun. It only matters if she cares. And she does not.
Her mind was miles elsewhere on the queerness of the world. On the whispering voices of her soul that tugged at her constantly. The little voices of her heart were really no better. So, she didn't notice Draco. Not for a few minutes at least. Not with her eyes slowly swimming with black dots from the brightness of the sun. When she finally did come into herself it was to look directly across from her. The stone arches of the walk way held nothing but stone and shadow. A brief thought flittered though her mind. She wondered where the school was headed. Where she was headed. Perhaps it was always selfish to be thinking of her own well being above others. Well, that wasn't exactly the case with all people. She was often second then.
Pansy features reached a small scowl she was only vaugely aware of. Her emotions and resolve had not weakened or strengthened since in the past week. Perhaps her hate had, hate of herself that is. Than again she didn't want to think about this. She didn't like to examine herself. She also didn't want to examine the ides of Draco Malfoy anymore. Oh she heard all sorts of things. She knew rumors. She knew truth. She knew the mix between the two. How the really good juicy one always had a bit of the two. She like to make those herself. What she didn't like was when Draco plus any other female seemed to pop up. A jealousy burned her in she didn't exactly understand.
When she turned her head to the right she saw the very blonde head that head invaded her thoughts again. Bloody!- She thought. What was Draco doing outside? That certainly didn't make much sense. Than again the only times she roamed about the grounds were to go to classes outside or to do her school patrolling duties. It was strange to be out here as much as it was for him. She pressed her lips into a small line willing herself to dismiss the want to analyze.
"Draco?" She finally called the question in his direction. After all it didn't seem like he had actually seen her. Sticking his hand over his eyes like that. How odd. Whatever was he actually looking for? She mused inwardly. Apparently it hadn't crossed her mind that he could be looking for her. To many years of that not being the case finally sinking in?
We have no scar to show from happiness. We learn so little from peace.
Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 881 Karma: 9
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #3 on Aug 2, 2008, 4:10pm »
The boy still squinted, but when he heard his name he let his hand drop and his head turned in the direction that he had heard the girl's voice. His pale face was still screwed up in annoyance and pain at the rays of sunshine assaulting his poor pale everything. But he finally stepped away from the doorway he had been blocking and let the door close behind him as he crossed the space between himself and the girl on the bench.
The bench seemed to be a much more pleasurable location, and he glanced up at the tree that was forming some kind of shade for the two Slytherins. Sunlight still filtered through the leaves, but it wasn't as terribly blinding as it had been previously. The boy's nose scrunched anyway, and he finally looked down at the girl who had practically stalked down to their current location. But a look of false confusion crossed his face. "What're you doing out here?" He asked the girl, as if he hadn't had any knowledge of her being out there before he took the plunge and stepped out the door.
"I didn't know you did rounds on Saturdays." He continued and shifted a little, but didn't sit himself down yet. He was debating on it, but he wasn't entirely sure if he was welcomed or not. Though of course, he always pretended to assume that he was welcomed anywhere that his fellow Slytherins inhabited even for the moment. He had once upon a time been a leader of sorts to the poor misguided snakes, hadn't he? Like a very rich Shepard. But now he wasn't so sure if they accepted him. It was understandable if they didn't.
He wasn't after all the leader he had once been. He was quite a bit quieter now, and quiet a bit moodier, and completely neglected a majority of the tasks he was supposed to do for the various things he had been drafted into. If it wasn't for Parkinson, things would be a rather large mess at the moment. He, after all, didn't even know when they did rounds.
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #4 on Aug 8, 2008, 10:17am »
Pansy's arrms uncrossed slightly as she sat up from the back of the bench. It was apparent that he had heard her as he was coming her way now. She felt a mild sense of pleasure rise her chest as he came closer. It was easily ignored. She however, saw his displeasure about being outside. His question seemed to hint that it was pure accident he had found her. Of course.
"I don't do rounds, at least not in the day. I came out here .. because no one else was." Realizing how this might sound she gave a quick glance at him and quickly continued, "The common room is so crowded and most often with idiots. I didn't feel like putting up with it."
The cross in her arms tightened as she scooted down a bit. The best unspoken invitation she could offer at the moment. Currently she wasn't sure if she wanted to force conversation with Draco. Whatever was going on with him he didn't seem to trust her enough to even hint or mention at it. He just drifted off on his own now. She'd even heard talk from some of the other Snakes about some of the oddities i Draco's behavior. She liked to think she knew more than they did. Hadn't she been 'with' him long enough. Shouldn't they be friends? At the very least. But there was still some horrible distance and barrier between the two on the bench. Pansy wanted to beat her fists at it in frustration at times. Then other times she wanted to unleash that energy upon those rumored to be taking what time she could gather Draco having away from even the remote possibility of spending it with Pansy. She had heard more than her share of whispers about Delilah. Deep down Pansy truly hated that whore of girl.
She pushed thought of what Draco might have been doing out of her to thoughts of what he was dong right now. Sitting on this bench, with her. Her other thoughts traveled out of her head. She didn't want to think upon those paranoid misgivings.
"We do have rounds tomorrow." She broke the silence and then paused slightly. "I can handle them if you don't want to do it. I understand that their a bother. I doubt Professor Vector will care even if she hears you weren't on duty." She gave a small shrug and turned her eyes to look at him. "What have you been up to today?"
We have no scar to show from happiness. We learn so little from peace.
Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 881 Karma: 9
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #5 on Aug 8, 2008, 4:30pm »
His blond head shook at the question, and instead of staring down at her with sunspots in his eyes blocking her face, he took the slight hint of an invitation and moved to sit next to her. Once he sat, he was rather grateful for the bench, because it was far more comfortable than standing, even if it wasn't as nice as laying in bed would be. "I haven't been up to anything important." He replied in a roundabout way to keep from really having to go into detail of his day.
Because the details of it were really quite boring. He had laid around until the rest of the Slytherins started to rise from their beds, then he had sat around, skipped out on a proper meal, sat around more until he finally hit the stage of wandering around trying to find something-- anything to keep himself from being so terribly lazy and pathetic.
"I can do rounds you know, I'll show up this time." He added after a short moment, though he really wasn't that sure if he was telling the truth or just saying it to lie to both her and himself. It was a pretty obvious lie though, since the time he had been promoted to other positions he hadn't ever really showed up for them. Even before that, he hadn't actually bothered, so it was a surprise that he had made it as far as he did. "I've been busy lately, but I haven't got anything at all to do tomorrow. What time are they again?"
It was sort of pathetic that they had become so little to him that he couldn't even remember the times that they typically started. Pathetic and it made him seem so completely useless. But asking about it was maybe a step in the right direction. Maybe it was a sign he'd show instead of completely disappearing when it was time to show any sort of responsibility again.
It was highly doubtful though, since as of late he seemed to be allergic to the mere notion of 'duty.'
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #6 on Aug 8, 2008, 4:53pm »
Pansy could have guessed that was the sort of answer she was going to receive. It was hardly as if she expected a full or detailed report, and it probably would have greatly surprised her if she had gotten anything more than what she had just been given. It was his mention that he coudl do rounds that perked her eyebrow just a light notch.
"Alright." She said after he mentioned he would actually show up. At this point it was still wait and see. At least her duties hadn't gotten so horrible that she could have to pair up with a Hufflepuff or something. She'd managed to perform them all herself and not even raise a brow of suspicion her way. Sneaky? Maybe. She was a Slytherin after all. It wouldn't be above her to do such a thing. Especially if she had her reasons. (and didn't she always?)
Lie or not Pansy didn't really care. It was some sort of step and she was all the more willing to have that step be toward her in some fashion. Part her snarked at the schoolgirl obsession that had cared on for nearly seven years. The other part told that one to *insert rude handgesture* jog on. Apparently Pansy's mental state was slowly becoming more and more crude. Either way she had been handed good news and she was not about to let it pass her up for no reason.
"We are assigned to the towers tomorrow night, thirty minutes before curfew for a couple of hours. Could be interesting, though it probably would have been more entertaining tonight."
She gave a mild shrug of her shoulders and subtly moved herself a tiny bit close to Draco.
"You know I found something odd the other day. Well it wasn't really found." She gave a small pursing of her lips. "I ran into the little blood traitor, you know the one that follows potter around like a troll in heat, well I've got this weird hunch they're starting up that ridiculous little club again. You remember the one from last year right? The one Umbridge made such a fuss about."
Pansy gave a small wrinkle to her nose. She never really liked Umbridge. The woman was ugly and horrible. Pansy, however, greatly liked the power Umbridge had given her. But with the kitten horror gone there was little reason to pretend she genuinely liked the ex professor.
We have no scar to show from happiness. We learn so little from peace.
Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 881 Karma: 9
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #7 on Aug 8, 2008, 5:47pm »
He gave a nod at the location and time he had been given and tried to file it away in the back of his blond mind, but it seemed to get caught up in spiderwebs and bleach-blond looking roots as most things seemed to anyway. It was funny, that he sometimes seemed so intelligent when really most things that were said didn't actually make their way to the point of being comprehended.
He usually just nodded and agreed and everyone assumed he understood or would remember. This was one of those times when really, he'd have to ask one of the fat boys where he should be.
Luckily another topic arose and pushed even worrying about the previous one out of his mind. The topic that came up made quite a bit of sense to him, really. There was the very distinct possibility of it being true. It had been very nearly impossible to get into the Room of Requirement as of late, and that was no doubt the reason.
Though that was substantial proof that the group had probably reformed, he didn't mention it, mostly because he didn't want to explain why he had been creeping around at night searching for the room again.
That was just too pathetic.
"So what do you propose we do about it?" He asked, his long and pointed nose scrunching slightly in thought. They didn't have Umbridge to completely back them in this matter, and that was a little disappointing. Though, the others didn't seem to care for her much, he had always been quite amused by the strange little woman. Her office had especially amused him, with the strange amounts of kitten paraphernalia.
He had quite liked it, really, but he didn't admit that to anyone. He wasn't supposed to smile when confronted with kittens, it was Slytherin-law. "Catch one of them and force them to admit it again? We'd have to get permission to use immoral approaches."
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #8 on Aug 10, 2008, 12:21pm »
Pansy found herself often wondering what bounced around in Draco's head. Now at day (perhaps more than ever) he simply did not make sense to her. Maybe he had always been something that made no sense and it was only now that she was beginning to realize it. It was yet another thing added to the list of little bothers that would plague her if she were left alone with her thoughts. Thankfully that was not the case and she could disregard the notion completely. He had nodded and that was currently good enough to her. There was really no reason to press upon the matter anyway.
At his question Pansy rose a small brow. It wasn't an unreasonable thing to say. They did need some sort of plan. But she couldn't get the faint hint in thee back of her mind that Draco wasn't particularly open to this succeeding. Like some amount of failure was already built into the plan. Her mind ached with nagging and she did her best to ignore the no doubt ridiculous thought. Draco would never think such a thing, surely!
"Stop them. We can't just let them run about mucking things up like they always try to do. It's not just some silly wizard snaps club that meets on the weekends. It's... affecting more." She didn't like to think about how the goings on at the school would (or could) affect her home life. Her father, like many others, were in service to the Dark Lord. What affected Him effected everyone connected to him. Not only that but her family was the base of all her power. With out her family, without her name, without even the small block of foundation it was just quicksand and she knew she'd struggle despite the fact it would make her sink only faster. She couldn't go down with out a fight. She'd drag people with her. She would do what she was capable of, and that started at stopping the reformation of the D.A.
"Yes that is one way. That took forever last time and we only brought them to Umbridge. Would it be a good idea to talk to Professor Snape? Would he even care if he used amoral approaches? He dislikes them as much as we do as far as I can tell. Or what about one of the other professors. One of the Carrows? I bet they wouldn't care."
We have no scar to show from happiness. We learn so little from peace.
Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 881 Karma: 9
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #9 on Aug 12, 2008, 5:54am »
He gave an obviously disinterested shrug at the young woman's words. Did he actually want to chase them down and give them all detentions? Not really. That sounded to him like quite a bit of work. More work than he wanted to do. "You're giving them too much credit, Pansy." He said, her first name slipping from his lips as if he had finally acknowledged her as a human and not just a pureblood.
Had he? Well, yeah. He had known for a while that she was a human and not just a name, he had discovered it sometime around when he realized that he wasn't very good at the murder and destruction thing. He had realized quite a bit in regards to other people then, but he hadn't actually shared those thoughts with anyone. It'd really just make it seem as if he had lost his mind. He'd seem like a completely different person, like he had stared himself in the face and came back a changed man.
Meaning, that of course, he'd lose all his followers.
Parkinson, Crabbe, Goyle, fourth year with the pigtails. Whatever. He wasn't quite ready to lose them yet. While he had isolated himself majorly the past few months, it always seemed like he had people to go back to if he needed them. He often told himself that the concept of him needing any of the usual three hangers-on was absolutely ridiculous. He told himself that he didn't need anyone or anything, or even the slightest bit of emotional support, but he wasn't sure if he really believed that. He really was quite pathetic after all.
"They're idiots, the whole lot of them. They think that now that they've learned a few tricks they can start a revolution. Well, look where all those self-righteous revolutions have gotten the rest of them and their followers." The boy continued, but then his lips finally pursed to keep himself from what could have escalated into some sort of emotional response. "If you'd like to go to Snape, we can do that."
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #10 on Aug 12, 2008, 10:06am »
Pansy frowned and tightened the cross in her arms. Perhaps she was giving them to much credit. She didn't, after all, hold their intelligence in high regard. Still something was fishy and she hated that. She hated fish and things fishy-like. Sitting around and forgetting about it was not exactly hardwired into her being. Maybe she'd just find someone else to snoop with her. Harumph.
Still her annoyance was softened with the use of her first name. It was so rare...so unused that she could have died from shock right there. Of course she used his first name all the time. It was very nearly like a privilege she would refuse to let go. It was a sign of her rank to be able to (or to want) to call him anything other than his last name, which alone was a symbol of power in most circles with a brain. It wasn't just the use of he name though. She desperately wanted that to mean he was still capable of opening up. That whatever he had been building around himself had some sort of weakness she could squeeze herself through if only she inhaled and wished enough. Maybe it was a tiny sign of hope. Draco wasn't lost to her some insane metaphorical sense in her head. (He was clearly sitting right next to her.) There was a chance. She'd do anything to play upon it.
Pansy had no idea what to say to him now after he had cut himself off. She just glance away and up at the clouds again. She wanted so badly to connect with Draco in some real form. She very nearly felt that it could help them both if only she knew how. She cared for him, truly she did, it was so utterly obvious that even the most blind mind could have been able to sense it in a pitch black room.
"He might as well know," she said quietly. "If he wants us to do anything he can just tell us." She sounded a little disheartened.
Silence filled the spaced between them and she did her best to think of the best way to break it with out shattering her little chance of hope. Trust me she willed in her head, please.
"Draco..." Slowly she partially turned her face to him and let her eyes graze him out of their corner. "I am only going to say this once, and its because I want you to hear it, not because I am expecting some sort of response." Her face looked rather grim as she quietly spoke through her thin lips that pressed into a line when she was finished. "Whatever you're secluding yourself for, and I've seen it for months I'm not daft. Anyway, whatever it is I want you to know that you don't need to do it. Whatever happened last year that sent you to the infirmary was horrible. The entire year was insane and I couldn't even get more than a few words out of you. Draco. I care about you. I don't even know what that really means but I do know what it means I'm willing and not willing to do. You can trust me, you can talk to me. I would never tell a soul and I swear that with any consolation attached, truly I would." She frowned then, a deep unflattering sort of expression and she turned her head the other direction so he couldn't see it. She knew what she looked like when she frowned. "That's all."
We have no scar to show from happiness. We learn so little from peace.
Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 881 Karma: 9
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #11 on Aug 13, 2008, 8:46am »
The fact that his seclusion had been noted didn't come to a surprise to him, especially not when one took into consideration who it was that did the noting. She always seemed to be in his business, or at least trying to get into it. In a way she reminded him so much of his mother that it was almost startling. Both of the women were pureblooded and regarded themselves highly, but not as highly as the men they followed, and both women also seemed to worry themselves silly over his every action. His mother was prone to hysterics when he ignored her, which of course, meant that she had been hysterical for months now. It seemed that Pansy was close to following in her footsteps, or at least she was in his opinion, but his opinion on everything was always quite warped. It was the unavoidable result of being a Malfoy.
His blond head shook at the girl's words once she was finished confessing her feelings and unwavering support, though it was a very slight shake and he looked away from her as well as his grey eyes squinted from the sunlight. It had been a very moving statement indeed, but he still wasn't too sure if he was up to spilling out some of his most private thoughts. There was a tiny inkling of thought in the back of his mind suggesting that it might feel very good to talk about what had been bothering him, maybe share it with someone and get some of the pressure off of himself; but that thought was quickly squashed by his usual stubbornness and his suspicions that were he to divulge emotion to anyone, that everyone would hear about it. While he did trust the girl that had always been somewhat of a side-kick to him, he didn't trust her enough to not gossip, or most importantly, judge. He didn't even trust his parents not to judge him in these matters.
"I don't believe that, not for an instant." He said finally, after quite a long moment of deliberation. "If you or Goyle think I'm going to fail prey to the caring and concerned act, you're sorely mistaken. I know those that are in our house far too well, especially now." It was true, their entire house was rather untrustworthy. If they could be trusted they wouldn't be the snakes of Hogwarts. But that wasn't even entirely the point, he didn't trust the others either. The world to him was really just entirely made up of people waiting to stab him in the back, and it was a rather lonely way to view things.
"Besides, no one would even believe the infirmary thing. They'd just laugh." Obviously he did assume everyone would only laugh at his story of Harry Potter attacking him, laugh both at his attempts at smearing Potter's name, and at the thought of him being so weak. This was why he hadn't really explained it to anyone, not even those close to him. He didn't really want to be subjected to ridicule of any kind.
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #12 on Aug 13, 2008, 3:50pm »
Guilt slowly crept into Pansy like some nasty sort of slug as the silence wore into her. She knew she hadn’t said anything at all. Several factors had goaded her into her confession, or at least the admittance of her inner thoughts, and the fact that she felt things for the blond boy. The longer the sentence went on the more that little nasty slug lefty its guilty poisonous trail as it crawled along. She flat out refused to turn in Draco’s direction. A frown was still etched into her features, and hers were the type of features that did not take kindly to many types of etching. She began to think about how to fix this little mistake. Though it hardly felt little at all. It more like this massive weight was not levitating above her head waiting to be dropped.
And drop it did, right into the open wound she’d stupidly made for herself. He didn’t believe her. How could she find that unsurprising, and yet still be so hurt by it? It seemed indecent. Not only that but she hated to be put anywhere near Goyle into a comparison of anything. It took the guilty frown from her face and replaced it with a look of hurt anger. Though this was still skewed away from his direction. Something that was probably for the better.
“I don’t think I am anything like Goyle.” A slight sneer entered her tone. Rare because whenever she spoke to Draco she always seemed to placate to his every whim. She was most certainly not some over sized oaf that could barely pass even the easiest of classes. She truly believe she could withhold plenty if she chose. Simply because she had not chosen to hold back the silly amounts of gossip and reputation destroying news didn’t mean she was...incapable. She bent so many of her rules for Draco. Why he thought she would blab her little mouth off to the next person walking by irked her entirely.
She knew their house was far more treacherous than most. They were not known for loyalty but she as loyal to Draco. they were not known for bravery though she would glad brandish her wand for the sake of those she was loyal to. They were not known for their book smarts but she was hardly an idiot. They were a house of crafty self servers. Maybe that made her even most noble of intentions corrupt at the core. Her want to reach out to Draco was not selfless. Pansy felt she shrink to nothing without even the slightly association with him. Was it really her own self preservation that was so cunningly disguised as caring? Was her willingness to break everything around her if it held the tiniest chance of strengthening the bond she so desperately wanted forged merely a sly way asserting her own importance and value?
Maybe.
It was the only answer she could ever come up with that wasn’t; ‘I don’t know.’
She realized this would have gone better if he had not said anything in return. She began to steel herself as she prepared to turn back the way she had started, facing forward on the bench. Her arms were loosely crossed now though she was not about to slump in her seat. Her chin rose in a slightly defiant manner.
“i have never laughed at you. I don’t know why you ever think I would.”
We have no scar to show from happiness. We learn so little from peace.
Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 881 Karma: 9
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #13 on Aug 13, 2008, 11:19pm »
Though it was true that she hadn't ever done such a thing, he still expected it, especially on the subject of Harry Potter magically mauling him. Because he should have been faster. He should have been smarter. He shouldn't have been crying in the bathroom and wallowing in his pit of self-pity and newly found self-loathing. That was pathetic. He was pathetic. He was stupid, too stupid to have properly protected himself against Harry Potter of all people. All the training his aunt had given him, the constant teaching of the three unforgivables against spiders, rats, and eventually people, well it had all been for nothing apparently, because he had still been beaten by Harry Potter, and that bothered him far too much.
Because Harry Potter was currently the only person he hated more than himself. While he couldn't complete his mission and couldn't kill Dumbledore, while he had hurt a number of people, while he had it drilled into his head that he was stupid and slow and a constant disgrace to his father..... He at least wasn't The Boy Who Lived, the absolute king of the self-righteous and unnecessarily chivalrous types.
Though all of that made the prospect of admitting it make his face feel excruciatingly warm, and no doubt turned his pale complexion a dull pink, he kept his head turned away from her and forced a frown away from his lips. "I was in the infirmary because Potter attacked me." He said, finally. It had really been the first time he openly admitted such a thing, and he really, truly hoped he wouldn't regret it-- because it wasn't like getting attacked by a hippogriff, it was something quite serious. "I wasn't doing a thing but fixing my hair, and he nearly killed me. No one would believe it though."
Re: Make Me Believe as... [open] « Reply #14 on Oct 11, 2008, 6:48pm »
Whatever gods or higher power there was in the universe seemed to be tossing Pansy a bone...finally. It had only taken them what, sixteen years? About bloody time. The bone she got, however, cause shock to cross her face. Harry fucking Potter had cursed Draco and completely gotten away with it!? This was horrible. This was awful. This was -- completely unacceptable. It brought out the murderous streak in her.
"What!?"
Silence followed Draco's words while Pansy's mind processed exactly what she had just heard. There was no reason for her to not believe what she was told. She was at a loss for words. What should she say to all of this anyway? Her answers were pretty limited. Her anger was the best she could do right now.
"I can't believe this! And nothing has even happened to him. No punishments what so ever?"
This seemed horribly typical. Harry Potter curses people all the way to intensive care into the infirmary and nothing happens to him.
"Of course no one would believe it." She said this with a vicious note in her voice. Another pause later.
"I do you believe you."
She had turned to look at him, a seriousness in her expression. One that said she was not mocking or poking fun at him. She turned forward once again and wondered briefly if this at all meant he could actually talk to her about things other than idle chatter. either way she was taking what she could get. Which might as well have been the story of life in the dating department.